My dearest Miss Anna
Madam I sit down to write you not as a suitor but as a real friend & lover who feels himself under the strongest ties, that the endearing names of Love and friendship can lay me under to tender all my poor services - Therefore you'll excuse any freedom that may appear too _______ _______
I shall never forget the sweet calm, & sweet serenity I felt on your kind & endearing treatment the last time I had the pleasure of your sweet company - nor the soft & tender feelings which almost overwhelmed my soul when you gave me encouragement you would be mine - oh thou darling of my soul draw not back from your kind intentions unless you mean to make most wretchedly miserable, the chains are now too strongly riveted for me to break them but by death - When I parted from my darling & I recovered from my transporting views, my joy was in some measure damped - What did my Anna mean when she said, do not think much of it - surely it could not arise from coldness & indifference - no - but from a fear I should set too high a value on my happiness - admirable modesty - can I set too great a value when I am commanded to love - as Christ loved his church - who laid aside all his dignities, submitted to shame, reproach, vilifying& death itself for her - draw the comparison & blame me if you can for loving you tenderly & willingly suffer anything for your sake - how pleasing the prospect when you shall be mine, when with uncontrolled friendship we shall view the hidden steps of heaven that brought us together & not only spend part of our time in reciprocal marks of love & friendship but through the grace & mercy of God, shall cordially join together in promoting our eternal happiness, in contemplating the perfections of Deity & his amazing love & wisdom in the recovery of our lost happiness by a merciful & glorious Redeemer - what a sweet & unbounded field of contemplation opens to view - there & only there is or can the human mind be wrapped in true happiness in the prospect of an happy Eternity - whilst too many are seeking happiness in different paths - some soaring on the airy pinions of honors & ambitions - some in heaping up yellow dirt - others in gaudy attire & empty show leaving their minds a perfect void - others in the road of debauchery - but my dear Anna, let us seek for happiness where it may be found, solid & lasting - the improvement of the mind - by knowing ourselves - knowing God and his beloved son our glorious redeemer there we may find a fund of happiness - which all the giddy & gaudy scenes of life cannot give - but my dear Girl perhaps you'll say I am too serious - my dear, mould me to your wishes, make me anything, only let me enjoy your love, your friendship, confidence and esteem, then shall I be as happy as any man on earth when I shall have the happiness encircling my dearest Anna in arms of my love - but I shall tire your patience - but I'll close my scribble - wishing you all the happiness I am my dearest Girl your true lover til Death
My dearest Spouse
I sit down to write you my charmer, my bosom friend, as one who feels himself under the strongest ties that the obligations of Love, gratitude and friendship can bind him under - My dearest receive from me my warmest wishes for your happiness, & look upon me as one who desires to devote himself to your happiness, & doubt not that I promised anything in that important affair of marriage that I wish not with my whole should to perform-oh! That God may of his mercy grant to us both the will, the desire, the power, the opportunity & length of years to promote each others happiness - my dearest wife, how much do I rejoice in your Love - but my only love how I forget myself - I sit down after the close of the day, eleven of the clock at night, to recount to my friend the actions of the Day - Henry Miller who met your father, went home with me - I put up some medicine for him, gave him an order on a man that owes me, as I have in vain tried to get a mare he has - So self will work in brotherly kindness - After dinner I went to James Bartow's to see his wife who lays extremely low with an inflammatory fever - God preserve the health of my beloved - I returned about half after eight in the evening - entered my accounts, examined my Books a short time then wrote a few lines for you & at present bid you a good night & if spared shall recount to you the actions of the morrow - half after 12 roused to go to Andover Forge to visit Job Daniels a Foregeman - a rainy night but I hope my Anna sleeps in peace. Tuesday night 2 of the Clock. I slept some last night & did not intend to sleep (til I had seen you) but I am so overcome with fatigue that I must go to bed & after wishing good night & all manner of happiness to my dearest Anna - I remain
Your unworthy, but ever
Affectionate loving constant
Husband till death -------
My dearest Anna will I
presume excuse my written
prattle as it may be proof
I think of her when absent
from her soul loves
it is the saying of one of the wisest men & inspired too! that hope deferred makes the heart of man sick & that proportionate to the greatness of the desire after the beloved object - nay that sometimes that uneasiness of desire is so pressing & unreasonable, that it can scarcely be born - & often-times so depraves & darkens the understanding, as to make the passions revolt agst & break forth into acts unbecoming the human character - when you consider these motives - you cannot any longer wonder at my conduct, in sometimes descending below the manly dignity but despising my weakness - if you felt but the smallest part of what I daily feel - it would certainly move your pity & tenderness to soothe & administer that most reviving cordial endearing friendship - thou sweet tormentor of my peace - with what language shall I address you - what argument shall I take up to persuade you to listen to my grief - if you could feel but a small part of what I suffer, you would certainly conclude that I was a cruel hard hearted man indeed, that could not be moved to pity, tenderness & Love - but I am old & that is sufficient to shade all the little virtues & graces I am possessed of - thereof I may sit down in the dreary regions of misery & despair --- I would write, but cannot - here I must drop my pen & my melancholy theme too. Oh!
Anna ---------- Anna---------- I am your despairing &
I have to say; the letters that Sam wrote to Anna were so endearing, and very poetic! Your family is very spiritual and interesting! I will be sure to watch your show this week. How strange it seems that my grandmother was a tarot card reading and very well at it. I am sure you are too! I have seen your face before, perhaps it was once on t.v.?
I wish you all the best, and hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Thank you for the touching letters!
Sincerely, Angeline Heimerl